


Smells Like Roses

by Malevolance



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Illness, Kai is sweetheart, M/M, Secret love, Sehun doesn't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 01:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9856439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malevolance/pseuds/Malevolance
Summary: There was something about Oh Sehun. Something about his manner and air of walking, something about the darkness of his eyes and the emotions they portray. There was something about Sehun, that made Kai fall head over heels in absolute fondness and love.





	1. Chapter 1

 

****

 

 

**Smells Like Roses**

By : Malevolance

 

* * *

 

_There was something about Oh Sehun._

 

Something about his manner and air of walking, something about the darkness of his eyes and the emotions they portray, emotions that show more indifference than any other feeling most of the time. Perhaps they do show something else, but no one was fortunate enough to behold it. There was something about Sehun, that made Kai fall head over heels in absolute fondness and love.

 

Kai used to look at him from a distance, walking behind the svelte boy on their way to school when they were younger, and he used to match Sehun's pace with his. A silly action that gave him the utmost pleasure. Kai used to stare at the way Sehun's hands would fist his sweater, as if shy or pondering about something. 

 

Sehun was no social butterfly, and he was no wallflower either. He was just there. Amidst the crowd, the students, and no one paid him any mind. Kai would look at him from his table at the school's cafeteria, and imagine himself sitting beside him, talking to him, because the sight of Sehun eating alone brought him pain, alongside the following idea of having someone else sit beside him. Kai thought he was being irrational and selfish.

 

Even his friends', Baekhyun and Luhan, loud bickering and silly conversations were always forgotten once Kai catches sight of Sehun. His eyes follow the other's movements as if they were conditioned to. Kai often wonders what it would be like to hear Sehun's voice close to his ears, have him talk of nothing and everything, be his friend.

 

But Kai did not want to be mere friends, he wanted to be more. Much more.

 

Baekhyun often tells him to snap out of his reverie and go initiate an actual conversation with the boy. Sehun seemed like a nice person, and surely he wouldn't reject Kai's friendship. The problem was, that Kai already knew that. He knew that Sehun was kind enough to let him sit beside him, befriend him, and talk to him. The problem was, that Kai is so bewitched by Sehun to the point where he just wants to stare at him and love him for all eternity, never letting go.

 

Kai doubts Sehun would like someone like him. Therefore, he resigns to his usual methods.

 

They grew up and were bordering adolescence, and Kai was still so much in love. For Sehun grew up to be very pretty and there was a new thing added to the list of the little peculiars about Sehun that Kai keeps in his heart.

 

Sehun smells like roses now.

Like beautiful fresh roses and the smell was intoxicating. It did not help that Sehun's lips were the tint of said roses. Kai thoughts that he was hallucinating at first, for none of his friends noticed the alluring smell. It was only him.

 

And being the lovestruck boy that he was, Kai thought it meant that he was special, that his love for Sehun was special. His hopes soared high above the clouds, and took place alongside the sun, the moon and the stars. Kai longed to profess his love, but he was very much afraid that by doing so, he might ruin it all, and he wouldn't be so special anymore.

 

Therefore Kai continued to hope, and hope once more. To love, and love even more. To wish, and wish for more. To look, and look at him so that Sehun's beautiful image might be forever graved in his heart, to never be removed.

 

All that Kai ever wanted was one glance, so that Sehun could see in his eyes what he had kept hidden for so long. For Kai has never been proficient at talking, he let his heart do it for him instead.

 

On the course of one starry night, everything had changed. Kai woke up to a terrible headache, and a searing ache in his chest. He could not breathe, he could not even cry for help, yet he could feel the tears escaping from the corner of his sad eyes. Suddenly, it all stopped, but Kai could not stop crying. His hand clutched his chest, and he shook his head in disbeleif and he looked frantic. 

 

"No, no..", he cried in the middle of the night. And he prayed, he prayed for some more time. However, it looked as if he did not have much left, so he cried even more. He knew it all, he knew that someday, he might never get to see another sunrise, and he grew to accept that fact.

 

But that was before Sehun. That was before love struck him hard. That was before the lovely sight of pale skin and rose colored lips that were the main personnage of his dreams.

 

Now he does not wish to leave, and he does not have a choice. He shouted in agony. It was not fair. That at the time of his life where he felt the most happiness, he would be made to leave so soon. And everything tumbled down on Kai, every regret, every chance that he let pass by. It all fell upon him like a heavy merciless storm.

 

With tear stricken cheeks and an expression of absolute misery and sadness in his eyes, Kai got out of bed and made his way to his desk. He grabbed a pen, a paper, and he wrote.

 

He wrote it all, everything that he had ever felt in his heart was poured on the pages in the form of words and tears stains. He wrote until he ran out of feelings to convey, and strangely, he smiled.

 

He smiled remembering the feeling of loving Sehun, remembering every moment, every glance and all that excitement which came along the mere idea of getting to see the subject of his affection everyday.

 

The pen fell from his hold.

 

Kai looked at the letter he had written, and a feeling of satisfaction and resignation came surging into him. With a smile, he staggered back onto the bed, and laid supine, staring at the ceiling.

 

It was near, and he could feel it. He closed his eyes. He was a bit scared, anxious even, but the thought of Sehun washed it all away.

 

And it smelled like roses again.

 

Kai let a single tear escape,

 

And he left.

 

**The end**

 

* * *

 

 

_**The satan in me is happy lol** _

_**don't forget to check the bonus (next chapter!)** _

_**give me some comments please ^^** _

 

 

 


	2. Bonus (Kai's Letter)

* * *

 

 

**Kai's Letter**

 

_There was something about you, Oh Sehun_

_something that made me fall in love._

_Until now, I have no idea what it is. Was it your beautiful smiles, rare and precious and bewitching like a diamond, or was it your general aura, the way you walked, behaved, spoke and every thing that you did. Maybe it was one of those which made me love you, and maybe it was all of them. Maybe I saw in you everything that I wished to be, and maybe I saw in you something that could change me, forge me into a better person._

_Maybe I only wanted to be yours, and I only wanted you to be mine._

_I want you to know, before it is too late._

_I want you to know, before i am out of breath and my soul finally escapes, rendering my body void of life, void of feelings. I just do not want to die unless I spoke about my feelings. If I do not, I am afraid my soul will be disatisfied. I am afraid I would be trapped in this world, because I never spoke the words, and I would not be able to tell them, ever again._

_I love you._

_I aboslutely, whole heartedly, truly, love you._

_I wish I hadn't been such a fool, I wish I had told you sooner, I wish, I wish so many things, but I do not have enough time._

_Therefore, i will say them now._

_I will say everything, now._

_I fell in love with you, a long time ago, when we were still children, and I grew even more in love as we grew up. My eyes would always be searching for your silhouette amongst the crowd, and I was so happy when I finally saw you. My mind would immediately think of you when I wake up in the morning. In my dreams, you were forever present and i could be with you as long as the night allowed me to sleep. My notebook is filled with scribbles of your name, and mine, and messy hearts._

_Everything I do, reminds me of you._

_I really wanted to try talking to you. Even just once, but I was scared. I was scared you would not want to engage in any sort of conversation with me, scared that you would find me strange, overwhelming and everything I do not like about myself._

_Maybe I should have tried._

_Now that there is not much time left, I regret that I never did._

_I do not know if you will ever read this letter, or if it will be lost and would not make it into your lovely hands just as I will not make it to see another sunrise. Yet, I wish you do read it, and know that I loved you, that I am sorry if my love is a burden to you, that I am forever grateful for every moment, for I was really, truly happy, loving you._

_That is the only thing I do not regret at all._

_It was an honour, falling in love with you._

_I wish, that perhaps, in another life, I would not have this illness that seals my fate, that I would be your loved one, and that i would come home everyday to your beautiful smile, that i would be able to call you mine and shout it out to the world, that i would call you my husband and be happy._

_I want to be happy with you._

_Now that I cannot, I want **you** to be happy. Live your life to the fullest, fall in love even, that would bring me the utmost joy along greater pain, yet the pain is tolerable when it comes to your happiness. Be happy Oh Sehun, and remember that I loved you._

_Remember my love,_

_Remember that you were my most beautiful flower,_

_Remember me,_

 

_With all my love,_

**_Kai._ **

 

* * *

 

 

**[ The End Of The Bonus ]**

 


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